Is this it then?... there is... no going back?... after careful consideration, I have decided to abandon it all. So at the end, I would like to write acknowledgements to everyone who was in my life. Before everything, I wish to make instructions clear: i. I do not wish anyone to cry, I request kindly for no one to cry. ii. Absolutely NO rituals must be followed, I hate rituals, just dig a hole in the ground and burry me, no need for coffins, no cremation, no rituals, no haavan, no priest-worship, no religious-singing, no need for anything, just burry me, maybe do a quick prayer at most (and that too you can do yourself, no need for a priest). This is because I am a Buddhist, I do not follow normal rituals. To my mother, You cared for me, birthed me and raised me, left your job to take care of me and my brother, for that I must thank you. But you were arrogant, ignorant to your lack of knowledge, authoritative, quick to anger, nosy, your arrogance disgusts me, your nosiness makes me feel uncomfortable. Installing a camera in my room, made me feel like someone was watching me all the time. You used to say 'if you're doing nothing wrong, then whats the issue with the camera' how pathetically idiotic can one be? Thats like saying that 'whats wrong with a stalker stalking if he is not physically harming you', the ick one gets when having the feeling of being stared at is so vile it makes me want to vomit. Sorry for all the times I was a burden. I used to write in my register a lot, I used to love writing actually, made me feel light as I penned down my thoughts, but because you're so snoopy all the time I had to abandoned even writing my thoughts out, because of you I had to abandoned many things I hold dear. Remember when I asked you for therapy and you ignored me? I hated you for it, oh but no, It would've been better if you would've forgotten about it, but you didn't, instead you chose bring it up when we were talking to the career counselor, both you and the counselor laughed and made fun, I nearly cried, maybe you forgot, I didn't forget, I have a very sharp memory and rarely forget things. To my father, thank you for working for me, for being the breadwinner. for being the hand holding up the family. With that said, I must say, you were never someone I can rely on, you change yourself from 'Bestfriend' to 'father' whenever you like so you were never someone I can trust. You even got angry when I told you I was bi, how pathic can you be to hate your own flesh and blood for being true. I always wanted to tell you that I want to be a women, but how can I ever trust you? I was afraid of being honor-killed. Also, Isha Upanishad (Verse 6), the Rig Veda (10.191.2), the Rig Veda (1.89.1), the Yajur Veda (36.18, theme) (just google) are things you need to learn, because you cant help but spread hate. that's all you do, isn't it? Spread hate, anger, violence everywhere... aren't you ashamed as a man to be like this? have you never reflected on your own life about how did things happen this way? No one is born angry. I remember when I told you to be quiet when you were yelling out of the window during a Langar I told you not to yell and you decided to start yelling at me, calling me 'atheist' and 'deadbeat'... I remembered... I never forgave you for it, every hug after that felt fake, it was fake, I didn't enjoy hugging you... perhaps you were right... perhaps I was a deadbeat... but somehow you were worse, because you spread hatred, you were quick to anger. I do not wish to insult you, I do not wish to argue, I wish you to argue with yourself and realize how your quick-temper is harming others around you. You will never be remembered by people who come after you, in your entire bloodline you will be forgotten willingly because no one wants someone who's entire life was just spreading hate and being a hateable person, your hatred ends with you, luckily. Take my advice if you wish to do so, and try to spend the rest of your life trying to spread peace, non-violence, or heck, just become a monk, not like many people will be there to miss you anyways. To dear brother [brother], thanks for all the times you made me laugh, made us all giggle, for all the times she spend together. With that said, I must say, you are quick-tempered just like our father, you get angry, no, you Rage with Violence just because of your video games, I hate to say it but you are addicted to video games, please for the love of whoever you believed in, stop playing video games they are hurting you, your attention span is worse than ever, your temper is shorter than ever, all you do all day is play games, stop, get some help. Let me reveal a secret to you, you're not funny, you are loud, obnoxious, yelling random noises and babbling loudly doesn't make you funny, it makes you hateable, irritating to be around, no one wants you, mother sends you away not because she has work to do but because she wants peace and cant tolerate being around you, you come to me then but even I hate being around you for more than a hour or two, you are like a nightmare come to life, anyways good luck with your life because you need it. To dearest [Grandma], thank you for raising me, thank you for being with me, thank you for being a shoulder to cry on, forgive me for not being able to be a good grandson, forgive me for not being able to grow into the person you wanted me to grow into, the last thing I want to do is to hurt you, I hope you live very long and healthy, may you go to the heaven you believe in, may you be in peace.